He held my hand and acted like we were dating. That day I wanted to hold his hand for some reason. I’ve never fell in love. I kind of avoided it. I don’t think I'm mentally well to be that in state. There’s just this course of anxiety and raining with trust issues. Like those parkour obstacle courses in the military. Which looks fun. This feeling isn’t though. As I held his hand, I remembered him saying he enjoys my company. That gave a stroke in my heart. My cheeks felt weird. It’s like the feeling of adrenaline but its built up in your cheek. Is that blushing? I have no clue. I know I’m starting to feel something. I hope not. I always doubt myself when it comes to those things. I don’t think I would truly enjoy those should be wonderful moments.
Although I say I shouldn't feel that way. My body ignored those thoughts. Then I thought of his hair. His face. His smile which made me smile. What the crap am I feeling. Then, I thought to myself, what would make him special to me. I think that’s a thoughtful question to ask myself especially trying to figure out your emotions. I thought of how thoughtful he can be, his intelligence, his humor. Actually, I went to a friend to give him my insights. I told him, “ Do you think him and I make a good couple?’’ To which he says “ Nah he’s kind of a dickhead. It’s funny because it’s true. Then again it wasn’t.
How the hell is that true, I told myself. “ Well because he’s just him.” He wasn’t wrong. But I never saw him in the way he was seen by others. I saw him completely different. Then he goes saying along the lines of “ At some point he’ll just be a dick head to you. Becoming too laid back.” For some odd reason, I proudly say, “ Hell nah, that guy loves me.” Then we come to conclude that individually he’s more open about himself compared to being in a group with us, his friends. “ Maybe the reason why you’re seeing him like that is because of the amount of admiration you have towards him.”
I still have no dam clue.
